Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Just Because

Just because someone doesn’t react immediately doesn’t mean they aren’t hurt, offended or angry. Just because they only say “Oh” doesn’t mean they agree with you.
How many times I’ve spoken my mind and assumed no harm was done. I didn’t intend any, so my words were taken in stride, right?
Well no, not necessarily. We are often shocked by blunt truths as well as unkind judgments or rude and uncalled-for, poorly thought-out remarks, and don’t respond in the moment they are heard. As the day wears on, we think about what was said, our feelings surface, and we become aware of our genuine, deeper response. We may find ourselves quite pissed off, although the perfect moment to say so to the speaker has passed.
We could’ve said “this,” we think, or “that,” but we didn’t think fast enough. Maybe we didn’t want to seem rude or unkind ourselves or make a scene, so we let it go. Maybe we thought the speaker was a fool and correcting him or her was a waste of energy. We may not be engaging with this person again or often, so there’s no point in taking him or her to task. 

What I’m saying is that just because your listener doesn’t tell you to shut the hell up, fuck off and mind your own business, you idiot, doesn’t mean that isn’t exactly what they are thinking.

Showers have made it difficult to get the baling done.

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Lorna on "Frida": 
I find Frida fascinating but not very lovable. And that's from the woman known as Pollyanna. 

Those who knew her said she was charming, had quick, light movements like a hummingbird, and was generous and loving to her friends and many others. 
What I find difficult to reconcile is how she could ever have become a supporter of Stalin. What was she thinking? He was a murderous thug and everyone knew it. I'll never understand how it is that otherwise sensible people put political ideals before human life. Never.

Below, click on "Comments" to see any reader responses to today's entry. 


  1. Well, amen to that Kate! When silence is the response to something I've said, even if it is silence with a smile, if there is no eye contact, I always feel the tension, and sometimes I ask about it, depending on the circumstances. I know too that silence on my part, particularly if it is accompanied by a smile, is almost always interpreted as total agreement, which always takes me by surprise, because how could two humans ever totally agree on something that is expressed in language alone.

    Having said that, it is possible that I totally agree with you in never understanding people who put political ideals above human life, or even human liberty. It came of no surprise to me that democracy developed in a culture where slavery was the norm [Periclies], idiocy.

  2. Hi,
    Good post. A lot of people are aware that they are "sensitive." This means to us, as I count myself among this group, that we are deeply affected by what others say to us. Lately, I noticed that habitually rude people are also deeply sensitive to what we, the supposedly kinder gentler folk, say to them. I began to think that people who are often critical and angry are just as sensitive to what is said to them and they are choosing offense rather than defense to protect their gentle selves. All this is psychology, I guess, which is a system of thought that has its limitations. I think we all need to get over our childhoods, once we have become a bit more aware of how that time influenced us, and we need to live in the present.

    As you say, harsh words do affect people and should be used sparingly, I figure. Such unnecessary damage, really!

  3. So, so many times I've wanted to turn back time so I could say what I had to say but, the moment which would have been appropriate to say so has passed and doing so would no longer be relevant or appropriate. Some of us just take longer to formulate our thoughts into words, especially when we don't have a pen in our hands or a keyboard at our fingertips.

  4. The comments here are very insightful and have me thinking. I would call myself "sensitive" to what others say, as well as being "sensitive" to having upset others. But when I trust someone that they would care about how I feel, it is far easier to bear hearing words I don't care for; when that trust exists my reaction, immediate, or late, is welcomed in return. The flip side for me is when people feel free to impose their world view on a sitation, I often adopt the "do unto others" stance and impose a quite different world view into their universe... those conversations don't tend to last very long, and they seldom recurr between myself and the given individual. One person on Facebook told me she didn't want know what I thought, she only wanted to hear from people who agreed with her; and I found that kind of refreshing, because it was an honest statement, even if I didn't respect her approach.


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