Thursday, December 23, 2010

Human Again

I'd like to say that my hair only looks like this after a day or two of lying in bed, but alas it looks like this most mornings.

Just had a day or two of hell, when my pills didn’t do the job and I’ve had neck pain and nausea. How do people with chronic illness stand it? I can see where one might choose to be put out of one’s misery, honestly, given the option of euthanasia. A person might choose it instead of toughing it out to better times. A person like me, with a low tolerance for pain and very little courage.

So again today I feel glad to be alive. For the past couple, particularly yesterday, I wasn’t sure it was worth it.

This morning I again woke up with my neck and stomach feeling crappy, thinking Fart-a, how can I handle another day of this shit? I can’t, I can’t! only this time I took a cup of coffee and went and sat by the window where I could watch the birds at the feeders (which seems to relax me profoundly), and voila, the neck thing went away and I started feeling myself again. I went into the bathroom and found myself singing (“a ha, I must be well!” I thought) and pulled a pound of bacon from the freezer and put it on to fry (interested in food and not just nauseated at the thought of it, yee ha!) and even massaged Scott’s very sore neck and shoulders, which I haven’t had the energy to do before this although he has been in a lot of discomfort. It’s a real workout to rub that boy’s back, let me tell you. I have to put all my weight behind my fists for him to feel I’m actually doing anything. I practically have to jump up and down. It takes some oomph. I am back! God it feels good to feel good.


If there are readers from Margo who haven't heard the horrible, sad news yet, we lost Duane Rothlander to a heart attack the other day. He was only 44 years old or thereabouts. His slightly older brother died of heart illness mere months ago. I can only imagine what this puts their family through; the world must seem a very unreliable and torturous place to them right now.


  1. glad you're better. I attribute it to the bacon.

  2. You know what, you might be right, Lorna. I wanted it yesterday but was too sick to make it, Scott wasn't here and Vegetarian Everett was having nothing to do with dead pig. But there must have been some reason I wanted it, when the thought of any other kind of food made me gag. Bacon. Who knew?

  3. So glad you feel wouldn't do to be sick at Christmas! But you know what...I'll bet it's the salt in bacon that might balance your insides...pickles do the same for me, if I'm nauseated. I had this little virus last week for about 4 days. During it, I truly wondered if I ever felt well, heh!

    Have a wonderful holiday, Katie!!

  4. Sorry to hear you were out of commission. Glad to hear you are on the mend. Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Keep well.


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